Asma khan balouch Have you ever heard your partner say you don’t love them, even though you do, and go to great lengths to please them?
But your efforts go unnoticed because it’s your way of showing love and not your other half’s way of perceiving love. And the way we show or receive love is known as our love language.
Many couples waste years trying to understand their partner’s love language, and therefore struggle in their relationship.
We will discuss why knowing your partner’s language is important and how it will help strengthen your relationship.
What is love language?
The ways of perceiving and expressing love are collectively called love languages.
According to Gary Chapman, author of the book series “The 5 Love Languages”, there are 5 different love languages which are: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, physical touch, and quality time.
These often develop over time and we can have different love languages at the same time.
The dark side of love Languages
It is important to understand why we need to be loved or feel loved in a certain way. Psychology and human behavior show that we crave things and validation from the outside that we lack within.
For example, if you have a habit of negative self-talk, your love language will be words of affirmation. Thus you feel love with words of affirmation to fill the void that proves your worth in a tangible sense. Your “other half” comes to complete you.
Did you get that?
Why is knowing your partner’s love language important?
For a healthy and successful relationship, it is important to put your efforts in the right direction.
Jay Shetty, a life coach and author, shares his journey of discovering the language of love as a couple. He said that he and his wife Radhi put in a lot of effort and spent two or more years identifying their love languages.
He said that when he arranged his first date, it was at one of the most expensive hotels in America and it took him two months to arrange it.
On the other hand, his wife said that she wore a dress and heels that she would not have otherwise worn, but had to because she thought he would like.
But his wife had no interest in visiting the place, nor was he impressed by her dress. Later, from previous experience and experiments, he finds that she likes food and that changes everything,
Now he knows what to do to make her fall in love. While she found that he likes surprises and gifts. It gives them a sense of ease and fulfillment. If love is shown effectively that will magically turn things in your favor.
What are most men’s love languages?
It’s no big deal to judge, but some life coaches and psychologists believe that most men’s love language is service.
They love it when women show love through acts of service, whether it’s a CEO or a 9-5 person. They love it when their partner cooks for them, helps them get ready for the office, makes them a cup of coffee, or organizes their closet. It is natural in men but again it varies from person to person.
What are 5 love languages?
What we know today about the love languages, which are 5, was identified by Gary Chapman during his work as a marriage counselor. The concept first appeared in 1992 when he published his related work. Let’s discuss what those languages are…
1. Affirmations
People who love “words of affirmation” fall into the category of having affirmations as their love language. They feel loved when they receive compliments, words of encouragement, love notes, etc.
These individuals value verbal expression, so be a little creative and play with words effectively to impress such individuals.
Most women love receiving compliments, don’t they?
2. Acts of service
Some people value actions over words. They love it when their significant other perform acts of service, be it helping them with household chores, making breakfast for them, or doing the dishes, etc.
You can help them with whatever they are doing without even asking. Small gestures mean a lot to such people.
3. Gifts
Who doesn’t love receiving gifts? But some people value it more and prefer to receive tangible gifts.
It is not necessary to buy an expensive gift but it should be thoughtful and according to their taste. They love receiving surprise gifts, so you can often surprise them regardless of the occasion.
4. Physical Touch
People with a “physical touch” love language constantly seek the feeling of touch. They value physical touch apart from sexual contact.
Give them a sense of belonging and make them feel loved with hugs, kisses, holding their hands, forehead kisses, and cuddles. You can often treat them with a good massage.
Isn’t it easy to make them feel special?
5. Quality Time
People who resonate with “quality time” as their love language need undivided attention and quality time.
They like activities that can be done together. Avoid using gadgets around them or engaging in activities that take you away from them. You should take a long drive, a trip to the countryside, a stargazing night, and deep conversations to make them feel special and loved.
Related: 13 Fun Date Ideas for Couples for the Holiday Season
Understand your partner’s love language
Every path led us to some destination and so did your efforts. If the path is wrong, you will not reach your destination. So understanding each other is equally important in a committed relationship.
Observe your partner’s behavior to see what their likes and dislikes are, what makes them happy, and what plans of yours bring them joy. Or you can openly discuss each other’s needs and wants.
This will help you identify your love languages. So you can strive in the right direction to give them what they need, not what you want them to have.
